Wednesday 10 October 2007

DATING KENYAN CHICS IS BOUND TO CAUSE YOU R HEAD SPIN

Dating in kenya is shit!!!!!!

( Drama from REAL life experiences ....read on..)

Chic: (calls Guy ): "Hello... Sasa Jamo.. its Sato bana.. si we do some
nyama .. ?"

Guy: Thinking he will get some that night quickly agrees... "Sawa sweetie..how about Buffet Park ....Shall I pick u at 2 ..?"

Chic: "Sawa.. laterz."

(Guy amukas from Friday's hengies, showers, puts on jeans and polo shirt, pockets a pack of condoms, then drives to the Chics crib...)

So at 2-ish they drive into Buffet park and pitia the butchery to order the nyaks.

Guy (to Chic): So what do u want to have .. ?

Chic: just anything...(aki these women are just thick at times... sasa hiyo ni jibu gani ..?)

Guy (to butcher): Weka hizo mbavu, kilo moja na nusu, choma, ...ikuje na kachum... (chic interrupts Guy.. ! )

Chic: Apana.. eeiishh..! ..Si you know I don't eat goat meat..!

Guy: (thinks to himself...("Really..!... then why didn't you say so in the first place, nugu hii") (To Chic) .. How about beef then..?

Chic: Its ok so long as it is not fat and not the legs. I dont like mathunya...( Guy looks away and rolls eyes up .. thinks to himself..."ati fat,you are already carrying a 40 kilo MATAKO, surely ... 2 grams of fat are negligible..")

Guy: (to an already impatient butcher) basi si unitafutie ngombe haina mafuta. (butcher chucks a ki-nice piece from the hangers hapo nyuma and holds it up for Guy to see)

Guy: "Weka hiyo nione...(as the butcher is weighing it on the scale... the Chic points at a small..... very very small piece of fat on the meat)

Chic: "Hiyo iko na mafuta mingi sana , tuonyeshe ingine..."

(Butcher curses .... under his breath. Other hungry buyers who are waiting hapo kando start to curse . Guy feels like he should just have ordered fish fry from those fat jang'o women they pitad on their way in. Chic points at a fresh carcass of meat ... somewhere near where the meat is hanging from such that is impossible to extract a piece without the entire carcass falling down on the floor.

Chic: "Kata pale.. ..."

Butcher: "Hapo haiwezekani mama .. kula hii ndio fiti ..(butcher attempts to return the piece back on the scale)

Chic: "Apana..!.. Hauna nyama zingine kwa store..."

Guy: (to Chic) " Eeh ..lets do this... let him fry that one, I will eat the mathunya pieces ama... ?"

Chic: "OK"

Guy: (to butcher) "Fanya iwe fry na uweke nyanya, dhania na spinach.Ongeza ugali mbili..."

Chic: .. "Ugali..? me I dont want ugg..Dont they have Chipos..?"

Chic: (to butcher) "Leta na ugali moja na chips mbili..."

Guy: ( thinks to himself... no wonder her butt is 40Kgs.. sasa u avoid animal fat then u kula half a gunia of chipoz .. talk about nyani haoni kundule ..)

Butcher: "KAMAU...!!! Oya nyama ino..! ..ni furae, na wikire nyanya, dhania na spinashi... ndugekire waaru..(butcher pins the meat with a tag and tosses it to kamau in the kitchen behind him)

Butcher: "Sawa... shika resiti .. namba yako ni 53 ... Itachukwa ithaa
moja ...."

Guy pays the butcher and chukuwas the receipt and tag..So we enter the open space of the club and sit down. Waiter comes,Guy orders his cold Tusker,

Chic orders her malt. We kunywa kidogo.. storoz panda... then there is this mama who pitaz a tray of oil oozing samosas, sausages and mshikakis..

Chic: "Wewe ..psst ppstt.. nipe samosa mbili na hiyo nini ..."

Guy: (shocked).. "Haiya, si u wait for the meat.."

Chic: "I will still kula the meat..."

Guy: ok (and she proceeds to kula 3 samoz and 3 mshikakis)

One hour 20 minutes later .. the Waiter comes round with maji moto for washing hands.. we wash our hands and the the meat checks in with the chipos and the Ugali all hot steaming and looking nice... "Bonne Appetit"..! ..

Karibu Nyama " ... Guy invites the Chic and thinks to himself.. now she will really shiba... LAKINI WAPI..! Yaani after all that shiet, she just hen pecks about the platter of meat here and there BUT proceeds to maliza the 2 plates of chipoz having eaten only 3 pieces of nyama. As if that is NOT ENOUGH ... 3 minutes later:...

Chic: "tsk! tsk! chief...tsk! tsk! Waiter! niletee serviettes pliz..na toothpicks..."

Guy: (cursing silently ) " Why arent you eating nyama...."

Chic: "I have shibad deadly plus I started feeling my ulcers ... Si u jua the way they can be nasty ..??.



Without another word Guy proceeds to kula what he can and asks waiter to pack the rest of the meat in a juala , patias waiter the now wrapped remaining meat to peleka to his car ...... Then he fungulias the carburetor

... "Leta TUSKER mbili na MALT Mbili" as they wait for the Arsenal Match coming on the screens in about 20 mins..

Beers, Storoz, the game.... more beer flows... After kindu like 2 hours... to the amazement of the Guy ...

Chic: "tsk! tsk! chief...tsk! tsk! ..niitie yule mama wa sambusa....(Guy closes his eyes and thinks silently... we should just have headed to Topaz....Fish and Chips...! ).

So later on at around 12:30 pm Guy takes the chick to the car and starts being naughty kidogo. the chick responds well and before long they are catching rubs like .....)

Guy : " Baby .. baby .. si we go to somewhere more private ..??"

Chic: "Aaaah.. aaah... you naughty boy..!!! ..rrrrrrr... sure , whats on your mind...?"

Guy: " Ill show you ...! ( Guy drives like a mad man in anticipation of what is at stake ..40 kgs of pure booty ... occassionaly missing the gears and going way up her tiny skirt) .

Before long they get to Guys crib , struggle and grope all the way to the third floor.

Guy :( Panting , both already half naked, he tries to remove her panties).

Chic: "Wweeee..!!.. iz how ??....what you trying to do..?"

Guy: (amazed) " Kwani what do you think ..?"

Chic: "Bilaz ..!!..I dont want..!!"

Guy: " Come on babe..!.."

Chic: (pulling a very serious look) " NO..! ..Dont do that..!.."

Guy: " Hala..! ..whats the matter..!.. ( thinking ... si thambutha umekula ? .. na viazi vya mafuta ?..)

Chic: " I can't..! .."

Guy : ( thinking ....Tusker Malt tano na nyama ya ngombe fry ? ... APANA .... Shuma lazima ilale ndani..!..)

Chic: " I'm rolling ...!!!..

Guy: " SH*T ..!!!.."

Tuesday 9 October 2007

ELECTION MONITORING JOBS FROM KNHRC.

>The Kenya National Commission on Human Rights (KNCHR) is a public body
>established by Parliament with the mandate of leading the protection
and
>promotion of human rights in Kenya by, inter alia, challenging the
>culture of impunity, and inducing accountability of the political
class
>to the voters.
>
>In furtherance of this mandate, the KNCHR plans to monitor the conduct
>of the politicians during campaigns for the General Elections, with a
>view to strengthen democratic governance in Kenya by creating and
>enforcing disincentives for politicians and public servants to misuse
>state resources in partisan political campaigns or incite the
citizenry
>to violence.
>
>Towards this end, the KNCHR invites applications from qualified,
>committed and readily available persons to urgently fill the following
>vacancies in the elections monitoring project:
>
>Project Coordinator
>
>Duration of Contract: 5 months
>
>Key Result Areas
>
>* Coordinating the day-to-day implementation of the election
monitoring
>project
>* Preparing periodic project reports.
>* Prepare a summative report at the end of the project.
>* Managing and supervising project staff and monitors
>* Providing technical expertise on project matters
>* Convening periodic meetings of the project
>* Quality assurance of the programme outputs
>* Liaison and consultations with the project coordinator
>* Ensuring adequate and effective flow of information within the
project
>
>
>Desired Qualifications:
>
>* Bachelors Degree and/or Masters Degree in Social Sciences.
>* Good understanding of human rights issues
>* Knowledge of the Kenyan electoral process and environment
>* Good organizational and analytical skills
>* Skills in managing large sets of data
>* Good interpersonal and people management skills
>* Demonstrable research, writing and communication skills
>* Demonstrable solid commitment to human rights and social justice
>* Experience in lobbying and advocacy work
>
>
>Data Analyst
>
>Duration of Contract: 5 months
>
>Key Result Areas
>
>* Assist Coordinator to verify information
>* Create a functional and effective elections monitoring database
>* Create reporting formats based on the data gathered
>* supervise data entry and data processing
>* assist the project officer in analysis and compilation of project
>reports
>* To perform any other lawful duties as may be assigned from time to
>time by the Program head.
>* Report to Program Officer
>
>
>Desired Qualifications
>
>* Bachelors Degree and/or Masters Degree in information technology or
>social sciences.
>* Skills in database management
>* Knowledge of the Kenyan electoral process and environment
>* Skills in managing large sets of data
>* Good interpersonal and people management skills
>* Demonstrable research, writing and communication skills
>* Demonstrable solid commitment to human rights and social justice
>
>
>Election Monitors
>
>Duration of Contract: 4 months
>
>Key Result Areas
>
> * To monitor and accurately record incidences of
>
> * Incitement to violence
> * Occurrences of violence
> * Abuse of public office and misuse of
>state resources
> * Hate speech on the basis of race,
>colour, descent or national or ethnic origin, as well as religion
>
> * Prepare and submit weekly monitoring reports to the
>project coordinator
>
> * To perform any other lawful duties as may be assigned
>from time to time by the project coordinator.
>
>In order to undertake the assignment, the monitor shall:
>
> * Participate in the induction training that will be
>organized by KNCHR
> * Not delegate the assignment to any other person
> * Use the monitoring tool provided by KNCHR.
>
>Required Qualifications
>
> * Bachelors degree or diploma
> * Knowledge of the Kenyan electoral process and
>environment
> * Demonstrable research and interviewing skills
> * Demonstrable writing and communication skills.
> * Ability and willingness to work in difficult situations.
>
> * Demonstrable solid commitment to human rights and social
>justice
>
>Data Entry Clerks
>
>Duration of Contract: 4 months
>
>Key Result Areas
>
>* To enter data field into the election monitoring database
>* To assist the data analyst and the project coordinator in collating,
>analyzing and producing periodic reports on the project.
>* To perform any other lawful duties as may be assigned from time to
>time by the project coordinator.
>
>
>In order to undertake the assignment, the monitor shall:
>
>* Participate in the induction training that will be organized by
KNCHR
>* Not delegate the assignment to any other person
>
>Required Qualifications
>
>* Bachelors degree or diploma in a relevant field.
>* Proficiency in data related computer operations.
>* Demonstrable computer typing skills.
>* Knowledge of the Kenyan electoral process and environment
>* Ability and willingness to work in difficult situations.
>* Demonstrable solid commitment to human rights and social justice
>
>
>
>Interested applicants are urgently invited to forward their
applications
>plus CVs to the address below with the envelop clearly indicating the
>interested position. Applications should include telephone contact and
>can also be submitted electronically to the email address given below.
>Only candidates who are shortlisted will be contacted via email or
>telephone.


Kenya National Commission On Human Rights
>1st Floor, CVS Plaza , Lenana Road
>P.O. Box 74359-00200, Nairobi-Kenya
>Tel: 254-20-2717928/2717256/2717908/2712664
>Fax:254-20-2716160
>Email: haki@knchr.org
>Website: www.knchr.org

Saturday 6 October 2007

WATU WOTE NA KIBAKI

Vijana na Kibaki,

Warembo na Kibaki,

Wanawake na Kibaki,

Makanga na Kibaki,

Wezi na Kibaki (Anglo-Leasing),

Moi na Kibaki,

Uhuru na Kibaki,

na Kadhalika na Kibaki.

Sasa watu wote na Kibaki.

Kibaki akibaki atamaliza mali yote iliyobakishwa na AngloLeasing!

Tuesday 2 October 2007

Humanity will not come of age with science, but rather by shedding religion!

Food For Thought.

** Perhaps the greatest sin of the Western churches (Judaism, Christianity and Islam) has been the particular brand of narcissism that impels so many to feel they have God all sewn up and put in their back pocket. People who think that they not only have a ticket to heaven, but anyone who disagrees with them is going straight to hell!
They believe in God, but do not believe that God is bigger than their own theology. In their arrogance they do not realized that God is not theirs to possess! -Paraphrased from M. Scott Peck


sourced from http://god-101.blogspot.com by allan.

Monday 1 October 2007

CHECK YOUR VOTER'S CARD STATUS.

We are nearing the 10th General Election and as it were, its important that you verify that indeed you are in the voter's roll and that your voter's particulars are correct.

Just key in your ID or Voter's card number and check your voter status from the comfort of your desk.Or rather grab a colleagues ID card and log just to know.


Check where you will vote in December now and confirm if it is correct!!

You can now confirm voter registration on the ECK website by entering your ID or voter card number in the top right hand corner of the web page.. Click on the following link:



http://www.eck. or.ke/component/ option,com_ frontpage/ Itemid,1



If you are captured as a double registered voter, go and sought out it out at Nyayo house 7th floor room 13.

CHECK YOUR VOTER'S CARD STATUS.

We are nearing the 10th General Election and as it were, its important that you verify that indeed you are in the voter's roll and that your voter's particulars are correct.

Just key in your ID or Voter's card number and check your voter status from the comfort of your desk.Or rather grab a colleagues ID card and log just to know.


Check where you will vote in December now and confirm if it is correct!!

You can now confirm voter registration on the ECK website by entering your ID or voter card number in the top right hand corner of the web page.. Click on the following link:



http://www.eck. or.ke/component/ option,com_ frontpage/ Itemid,1



If you are captured as a double registered voter, go and sought out it out at Nyayo house 7th floor room 13.

Saturday 22 September 2007

CHARTER HOUSE BANK NOW ON WIKILEAKS.

Charter House Bank that saw the exit of Mullei as the CBK Governor has now had its story told in the wikileaks, the one that leaked the Kroll Report on Moi and his cronies theft tendencies in their quest to bring this beloved country of ours down.

Here are the links:

http://wikileaks.org/wiki/Charterhouse

Wednesday 19 September 2007

THE WEIRD IRAQ!

1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!
6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq!
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq
8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel
10. Amos cried out in Iraq!
11 Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem
12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq
16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq...
17. The wise men were from Iraq...
18. Peter preached in Iraq
19. The "Empire of Man" described in Revelation is called Babylon, which was a city in Iraq!
And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.
But do you know which nation is second?
It is Iraq!
However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.
The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris
And Euphrates Rivers...
The name Iraq means country with deep roots.
Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.
No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated
With it than Iraq
And also, this is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an eagle.
Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages...
The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)
Quran (9:11) – “For it is written, that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah”
And there was peace.
(Note the Quran verse number!)

Tuesday 18 September 2007

Genesis of Kenya Police's Utumishi Kwa Tumbo!

KENYAN POLICE

KAMANDE PETER KINYANJUI

PAYSLIP MONTH: JUNE 2007

Basic Salary 15,000.00
Hse allowance 0
Gross salary 15,000.00
Deductions
Magereza SACCO 3000.00
NHIF 320.00
NSSF 200.00
PAYE 2740.00
Loan repayment 3260.00
KCB LOAN 2250.00


Total Deductions 11770.00


Net Pay 3230.00

I rest my case!

Thursday 13 September 2007

ELECTION REALITY: BEING GIKUYU ALONE IS 'SINFUL'..

ELECTION REALITY: BEING GIKUYU ALONE IS 'SINFUL'..

Even as politicians refuse to discuss a Bill on tribalism in Parliament my heart would still be broken after all.

As an ordinary buff I find the previous and current governments being assertive and full of pro-trial rhetoric. As true Kenyans we have become the missing pieces of the Kenyan jigsaw (scrabble) puzzle.

Personally, I’m no longer Gikuyu but Kenyan of Gikuyu origin and with inalienable rights like any other Kenyan. These include the rights to life, liberty, property and the pursuit of happiness. It is surprising that many of my country men would still refuse to live by the true facts. This scourge is being perpetuated by us and it is here with us.

Let me pose the following. When you look at yourself on the mirror, what do you ‘choose’ to see? Is it the image of a Kenyan that you would see or that of a Gikuyu around Nairobi or Central Province? If that image is that of some Gikuyu then you are that heartless victim that I’m describing. Certainly, you may agree with me that being Kenyan is a dream and being Gikuyu alone is a nightmare. I have experienced it and I know it.

The Kenyan broom is more effective than separate tribal straws. It is time to strip ourselves of the cloak of over-inflated false-pride than to live and always face the haunting past.

The tribal independence and current histories would menacingly glare at us behind the façade of change. Let us outsource our politics of leadership nationally and with one voice. The older generation politicians’ petulance should cease from visiting the sins of their fathers onto their children.

Currently the youth only suffer yet they are not responsible for their grandfathers’ tribal-laced political and leadership affiliations.

Just like napkins majority of the youth are unemployed and have thus become cheap to buy, quickly to use and to be literally disposed of. For the current tribal politicians, there is no shortage of such a supply for campaign and electoral purposes.

Though this may sound bitter for mentioning the Agikuyu, it is only but a reflection of the non-prosperous but seemingly seismic tribal imperialism that is still within our systems including political and leadership.

This tribal interface being perpetrated by my fellow countrymen is a hotbed for inter-communal bigotry that needs to stop forthwith.

We shouldn’t be tribal genetically just because ethnically we are.

Posted by Mundia Mundia Jnr in jaluo.com blogged here by assidous.

Tuesday 11 September 2007

Late Extra: Who Broke Into ODM Offices And WHY?

Some person or persons broke into Raila Odinga's ODM offices last night and it is clear that this was no ordinary break-in.

What political analysts are now asking themselves is who broke in and why, since it seems pretty obvious that the motive was political. This is of course a very difficult question to answer, but there is growing suspicion amongst certain very informed sources that the reason for the break in was to search and retrieve the controversial top secret delegates list.

Naturally this is one list that would embarrass the ODM top brass, why else have they insisted on keeping it such a secret. However if this suspicion is true then it also becomes pretty obvious as to who broke in.

Tujienjoy, the season of political high drama is with us only that this time what we have ahead of us is the mother of all general elections. Time will of course prove if I am correct in dubbing the forthcoming polls so.


Sourced from kumekucha and posted here by assidous.

Saturday 8 September 2007

REAL BARBEQUE RULES

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is
important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime
outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man
will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are
put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes
dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along
with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man
who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He
thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with
the situation.

Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....

(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,
sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.


(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon
seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing
some women....

Friday 7 September 2007

CIRCUMSICION AND HIV-AIDS

The Circumsicion Library

Scientists Discover 'Natural Barrier' to HIV
By E.J. Mundell
HealthDay Reporter Mon Mar 5, 2:02 PM ET
MONDAY, March 5 (HealthDay News) -- Researchers have discovered that cells in the mucosal lining of human genitalia produce a protein that "eats up" invading HIV -- possibly keeping the spread of the AIDS more contained than it might otherwise be.
Even more important, enhancing the activity of this protein, called Langerin, could be a potent new way to curtail the transmission of the virus that causes AIDS, the Dutch scientists added.
Langerin is produced by Langerhans cells, which form a web-like network in skin and mucosa. This network is one of the first structures HIV confronts as it attempts to infect its host.
However, "we observed that Langerin is able to scavenge viruses from the surrounding environment, thereby preventing infection," said lead researcher Teunis Geijtenbeek, an immunologist researcher at Vrije University Medical Center in Amsterdam.
And since generally all tissues on the outside of our bodies have Langerhans cells, we think that the human body is equipped with an antiviral defense mechanism, destroying incoming viruses," Geijtenbeek said.
The finding, reported in the March 4 online issue of Nature Medicine, "is very interesting and unexpected," said Dr. Jeffrey Laurence, director of the Laboratory for AIDS Virus Research at the Weill Cornell Medical College, in New York City. "It may explain part of the relative inefficiency of HIV in being transmitted."
Even though HIV has killed an estimated 22 million people since it was first recognized more than 25 years ago, it is actually not very good at infecting humans, relatively speaking.
For example, the human papillomavirus (HPV), which causes cervical cancer, is nearly 100 percent infectious, Laurence noted. That means that every encounter with the sexually transmitted virus will end in infection.
"On the other hand, during one episode of penile-vaginal intercourse with an HIV-infected partner, the chance that you are going to get HIV is somewhere between one in 100 and one in 200," Laurence said.
Experts have long puzzled why HIV is relatively tough to contract, compared to other pathogens. The Dutch study, conducted in the laboratory using Langerhans cells from 13 human donors, may explain why.
When HIV comes in contact with genital mucosa, its ultimate target -- the cells it seeks to hijack and destroy -- are immune system T-cells. But T-cells are relatively far away (in lymph tissues), so HIV uses nearby Langerhans cells as "vehicles" to migrate to T-cells.
For decades, the common wisdom was that HIV easily enters and infects Langerhans cells. Geijtenbeek's team has now cast doubt on that notion.
Looking closely at the interaction of HIV and Langerhans cells, they found that the cells "do not become infected by HIV-1, because the cells have the protein Langerin on their cell surface," Geijtenbeek said. "Langerin captures HIV-1 very efficiently, and this Langerin-bound HIV-1 is taken up (a bit like eating) by the Langerhans cells and destroyed."
In essence, Geijtenbeek said, "Langerhans cells act more like a virus vacuum cleaner."
Only in certain circumstances -- such as when levels of invading HIV are very high, or if Langerin activity is particularly weak -- are Langerhans cells overwhelmed by the virus and infected.
The finding is exciting for many reasons, not the least of which is its potential for HIV prevention, Geijtenbeek said.
"We are currently investigating whether we can enhance Langerin function by increasing the amount of Langerin on the cell surface of Langerhans cells," he said. "This might be a real possibility, but it will take time. I am also confident that other researchers will now also start exploring this possibility."
The discovery might also help explain differences in vulnerability to HIV infection among people.
"It is known that the Langerin gene is different in some individuals," Geijtenbeek noted. "These differences could affect the function of Langerin. Thus, Langerhans cells with a less functional Langerin might be more susceptible to HIV-1, and these individuals are more prone to infection. We are currently investigating this."
The finding should also impact the race to find topical microbicides that might protect women against HIV infection. Choosing compounds that allow Langerin to continue to work its magic will enhance any candidate microbicide's effectiveness, the Dutch researcher said.
Laurence did offer one note of caution, however.
"In the test tube, this is a very important finding," he said. "But there are many things in the test tube that don't occur when you get into an animal or a human. Having said that, though, this is a very intriguing finding."


Citation:

* E.J. Mundell. Scientists Discover 'Natural Barrier' to HIV. HealthDay, Monday, March 5, 2007.

Sourced from Circumcision News Library and posted here by Assidous

Wednesday 5 September 2007

INTERESTING WHAT WOMEN TAKE MEN TO BE

1. Men are like...Laxatives...They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like...Bananas...The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like...Weather...Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like...Blenders...You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like...Chocolate Bars...Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like...Commercials...You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like...Department Stores...Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like...Government Bonds...They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like...MascarA...They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like...Popcorn...They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like...Snowstorms...You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like...Lava Lamps...Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like...Parking Spots...All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Monday 3 September 2007

Attn Mr. Kibaki

'................................................................................
....By contrast, Kiraitu Murungi seems incapable of any kind of finesse. He just doesn’t know that it is vital for a leader to weigh his words before uttering them. He cannot open his mouth without unleashing the filthiest and most offensive air.

Thus his reappointment did not endear many Kenyans to Mr Kibaki’s system. In the Cabinet, Kiraitu Murungi is equalled, in his hawkishness and absence of savoir faire, only by Ms Karua (who replaced him at Justice) and Mr Michuki (who replaced Mr Murungaru at Security).

Mr Michuki remains completely impervious to public criticism, completely thick-skinned to other group interests, completely committed to the master-servant attitude he learned from the colonial regime. Ms Karua is a bull in china shop completely devoid of tact in her treatment of colleagues.

In a word, they appear totally unaware that, by their chest-thumping heroics and cantankerousness, they are doing irreparable damage to President Kibaki’s image. Were I the President, I would long ago have flashed the red card at John Michuki, Kiraitu Murungi and Martha Karua.'

Article by Philip Ovhieng in yesterday's Sunday Nation posted here by assidous

Thursday 30 August 2007

SAFCOM IPO TEAM

Lead Transaction Advisors:

Dyer & Blair Consortium - Morgan Stanley, Faida & Asbhu Securities, D&B Inv Bank - Ksh 0.05

Legal Services:

Muriu Mugai - Ksh 2.4M

Receiving Bank:

Citi Consortium - Citi, Equity, K.P.O.Savings Bank - Ksh 94M

Advertisers:

Red Sky - Ksh 2M

Public Relations:

Gina Din Comms



General Motors Kenya Launches Hummer 3 into the market.
('suddenly nothing seems good enough' is the call)

CMC launches New Polo and New 2008 Touareg.

A MILLION FOR LUNCH?OR ONE MILLION LUNCHES?

PRESS RELEASE ON 29TH AUGUST 2007

A MILLION FOR LUNCH?OR ONE MILLION LUNCHES?

‘Those with money have access to the president… those without have
the votes to elect the president” Civil Society, Nairobi Kenya

The Kenya Human Rights Commission (KHRC) has today (29th August 2007)
given the OCS Central Police Station notice, under the Public Order Act,
on behalf of the Kenya Human Rights Network (K-HURINET) of a public
event to be held at Jeevanjee Gardens on Saturday the 1st of September
2007. KHRC has also obtained the necessary consents from the Nairobi City
Council and the Friends of Jeevanjee Gardens.



*******************************************************
Say NO! to poor service and substandard goods in Kenya.

Visit here and make your complaint at www.complain2me.wordpress.com

Fighting to have service that is our money's worth.

Join the fight.

*******************************************************


The meeting shall be held from 10.00 am to 3.00 pm. Activities will
include a public forum where snacks will be offered to an approximated
1000 people.

Please note that the function shall be preceded by a procession from
the Globe Cinema Roundabout to the above mentioned venue. We shall
assemble at the Globe Roundabout at 8.30 am and start the procession at 9.00
am.

Sourced from Mars Group updates and posted here by assidous.

Wednesday 29 August 2007

SAFARICOM-THE LAST WORD

I blogged on this issue last November.I notice its been the top content on this blog ever since.It never leaves the top 10 list.After many comments on my blog i.e. Patriotic Kenyan,Gathara and many others, i give you my final thoughts on it in a Q & A format.

How many shareholders does Safaricom K Ltd have?
Two,-Telkom(K) Ltd(60% of Safaricom) and Vodafone (K) Ltd(40% of Safaricom).

What about Mobitelea?
Mobitelea is a shareholder in Vodafone(K) Ltd which is a Private Limited Company.

What about Mobitelea's stake in Safaricom?
Its an Indirect stake, Mobitelea owns 12.5% of Vodafone(K) Ltd while Vodafone Plc holds 87.5% of Vodafone(K) Ltd.Vodafone(K) Ltd main asset is the 40% shares in Safaricom(K) Ltd.
If you take 12.5% of 40% you get the 5% indirect stake Mobitelea has in Safaricom.

How was business was done in the Third World during the 20th Century?
In those days there were no worldwide Mergers and Acquisitions firms,lawyers or clients to perform proper due dilligence and show you the ropes.Think Morgan Stanley,Citibank,PWC and lately Rennaissance.Most firms were based in the WEst and 1 or 2 Asian Capitals i.e. HongKong and Tokyo.Mumbai was the name of some exotic perfume.

If you wanted to take over a local firm or go into a joint Venture with a Third World Government,you allied yourself with a local political operative and he did the 'due dilligence' opened the right doors and he got a stake in the new firm as his Partnership contribution.

********************************************************************************

Say NO! to poor service and substandard goods in Kenya.

Visit here and make your complaint at www.complain2me.wordpress.com

Fighting to have service that is our money's worth.

Join the fight.



********************************************************************************

If you doubt me just look at the list of top civil servants and politicians of the 1960s Kenya and compare that with their business interests.

Why the IPO must go own
The Safaricom IPO will ignite significant foreign interest that will grow our markets and put Kenya in focus of all the top markets.The market Growth will create more jobs for everyone and grow the economy.

If we stop the IPO we can get back Mobitelea's stake
Ha, Not a chance the Mobitelea stake is parked in a private company Vodafone(K) Ltd.Government cant interfere with private property that is unconstitutional
Let me put the point across using a story:
There was once an old mzee who had 10 acres of land.He sold 4 acres to his Best Friend.The Best Friend then sold 1 Acre to a stranger the Mzee didn't like.The Mzee wanted that particular 1 Acre(that was sold to the stranger back).Do you think he got it back?

This is unfair Mobitelea's owners are getting away with free money
Life is unfair that why some people have first class degrees and are clerks while others have Certificates and are millionaires.Thats the case whether in USA or Kenya.
Apparently,this is the crux of Muthoni Wanyeki's Article in this week's East African.I respect Muthoni and she is one of the people i admire but i doubt her capacity to look at the big economic picture.
This is the best time to list Safaricom, you can never wait for the best time to do something..that time may never come.

What about the Privatization Act 2005?
It gives the Minister of Finance the power to Gazette it and decide when it shall come into effect.By the way Laws are never applied RETROSPECTIVELY.Do you know who the Minister of Finance is? i rest my case


The post above is by pesa tu and blogged here by assidous. I must give it to him, he has the real final word on the ownership controversy.

Tuesday 28 August 2007

BROADBAND COMING AT KPLC METER NEAR YOU

KPLC and Swedish power giant Asea Brown Boveri have signed a Ksh1.8B agreement to boost fibre optic installation on the main power lines. This is part of the ESRP meaning that broadband will reach us the end-users faster than anticipated. Its bound to bring the cost of connecting to the net down.

Work begins immediately and will be completed in the last quarter of 2009.

Monday 27 August 2007

HIV & PETROLEUM JELLY

This is cause for alarm!

Petroleum jelly makes you a target for HIV
BY DR. ALIKI MAHINDA

Dr Hulda Clarke, a Canadian biologist, has been doing research on HIV and other conditions and diseases for many years, mostly in New Mexico. To get the full benefit of her findings, it would be advisable to buy her books, "The cure for all diseases," and "The cure for HIV." She has another on the cure for all cancers. Her books recommend that you continue being in the supervision of a doctor and continue with the medications that the doctor is giving you. Then she explains how you can help yourself by avoiding toxins and killing all the parasites in your body.
Dr Clarke did numerous tests before she came to the conclusion that all diseases have a parasite and or a toxin behind it. When you remove them, the diseases go away. Clearly, the diseases need them to thrive in a patient. A very good example is the parasite needed for diabetes to thrive in the human. The "Pancreatic fluke of cattle" is a big parasite and should not be in humans in the first place. When it attacks our much smaller pancreas, it renders it incapable of producing its own insulin. This causes the blood sugar to go very high, making the human being ill and unable to defend the body.
For HIV, the parasite is a human fluke that likes to attack the thymus gland. This parasite, fasciolopsis buskii, is actually quite common in human beings who are supposed to carry only the adult stage of this fluke. It was not intended to hatch in our bodies, but in snails. Unfortunately, due to our "modern life" our bodies are loaded with toxins, thereby allowing these parasites to hatch inside us. This creates a big problem because the parasites are small enough in their other stages, they can travel and attack the other organs instead of sticking to the bowels where they belong.
The toxin you need to become a HIV virus host is benzene. This clearly explains why there are couples where only one of the spouses has contracted the disease even though they were having unprotected sex. This has been a mystery for the medical field. Benzene is a petroleum product that we all have in every Kenyan home. We apply benzene daily on our lips, our children's bodies, our cows tits for milking, we even use it as a personal lubricant.
This toxin, which gets to us as petroleum jelly, works so beautifully on our skin that it took me a long time to find an alternative. I wish they could come up with the same product minus the benzene, the way they decaffeinated coffee. It is all very well to use petroleum Jelly if you are celibate, or can vouch for your partner not playing outside the marital bed. However, if you have HIV or you are at risk of contracting it, then avoid getting in contact with all petroleum products. If you are working in a petroleum filling station, or you are a mechanic, change career if possible. Do not use paraffin for cooking or apply liquid paraffin.
HIV patients need proper detoxification. The programme should kill parasites and also empty your bowels well. Eat foods and herbs that are good at boosting immunity. This will help your thymus gland to start fighting for your body again, thereby restoring your much needed health. Parasites are nasty creatures and know how to survive in the worst of conditions, so be vigilant in your fight and take nothing for granted.
One round worm in our brain is enough to make you go schizophrenic. I believe our people are getting more and more dementia and epileptic cases because the toxicity levels in our food, air and body chemicals have risen alarmingly. It is good to get out of the city from time to time to the villages and live as naturally as possible. This will give your body a chance to rest and rejuvenate itself. This is too large a topic and cannot be covered in one column, so watch this space for other crucial tips on this.
Dr Hulda Clarke advises the use of a "zapping machine" to help get rid of the fasciolopsis buskii and other opportunistic parasites and bacteria. The Zapper needs to be used correctly for it to be useful, so we shall expound on this later.
This article is intended to give information, but not to treat or diagnose any disease or condition. Do not neglect to see a healthcare professional if you have a problem.


Sourced from SmartBiz Africa and posted here by Assidous.

Thursday 23 August 2007

TWO MAJOR CLAUSES.

The first notorious clause that brought the media against the government:

' When a story includes unnamed parties who are not disclosed and the same becomes the subject of a legal tussle as to who is meant, then the editor shall be obligated to disclose the identity of the party or parties referred to.'
Mutahi Karue.


The one that spoiled the broth of Karue, Karua @ Co.

' The clause can be construed to include subjects of a story as well as sources of information. This could act as a great inhibition of press freedom and undermine the democratic strides we have made as a nation' President Kibaki.


Couldn't have been put better.

SOME 45 QUESTIONS.......

1. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
2. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
3. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
4. Why don't you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery?
5. Why is abbreviated such a long word?
6. Why is a boxing ring square?
7. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
8. Why is it that doctors call what they do practice?
9. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
10. Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on Start?
11. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
12. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
13. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
14. Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
15. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
16. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
17. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
18. If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter?
19. If you take an Asian person and spin him around several times does he become disoriented?
20. Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
21. What do people in China call their good plates?
22. What do you call a male ladybug?
23. What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
24. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
25. Why do they call it a pair of pants, but only 1 bra?
26. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
27. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
28. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
29. Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?
30. Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?
31. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
32. Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
33. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
34. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have locks on the door?
35. You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of it?
36. If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?
37. If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
38. If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?
39. If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
40. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
41. Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
42. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
43. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
44. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
45. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


Sourced from mimi pekee and re-blogged here by assidous.

Wednesday 22 August 2007

GIRL vs GROWN WOMAN - SERIOUS STUFF THIS ONE!

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and
make
plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in
where
he fits.

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e., don't want him
hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time'
even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends.

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate
without fear of losing his 'manhood'.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.

Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their
affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you
back-and move on, without bitterness.

Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women and
their
male friends.

Monday 20 August 2007

MICROSOFT IN KYUK! Huh!

1. Ndirisha ngiri igiri na ithatu cia mutumikiri wa minyamu ya mbumbui (Windows 2003 Web Server)

2. Ndirisha ngiri igiri mutumikiri (Windows 2000 Server)

3. Ndirisha ngiri igiri - mutaalamu (Windows 2000 Professional)

4. Nduti wira ya gukuonereria njira (Active Directory)

5. Nyamu hinyu ya kurora na nja (MS Outlook)

6. Kurora na nja guteng'eretio (Outlook Express) - Ngai kurateng'erio nu!!!!!! ni thigari cia Kanju ya Nyeri ii kana ni kuguruka?

7. Mashini yaku ni irateng'era na igathirirwo ni hakiri iria ciihithite (Your system is running low on Virtual Memory)

8. Nyihia tutumikiri turia tuhingure, yaani hinga tumwe! Reduce the number of open applications)

9. Mashini yaku ni ngoroku muno, ni jishi ta gikuyu kiria kingi na kwoguo ni ikuhorio.Iria cioooothe iiyite itekuiga fengi ndigaciona ringi jishi ino. utafungwa ( This application has performed an illegal operation and will close down, all unsaved work will be lost)

Ni thengiu muno .

Hilarious huh?

Saturday 18 August 2007

SAY NO TO SLOPPY SERVICE AND GOODS IN KENYA

I found this blog and thought it wise to share with you my readers. I think its a noble initiative.



My dear readers, after much thought and contemplation after getting sloppy service and mediocre goods from assorted sellers, some of whom claim to be the best of the pack, i realised that we need to come out and literally turn the tide against this charlatans. Otherwise how does one explain a lack of a consumer agency to fight arbitrary price rises, sloppy or non existant customer service?

In this category dear readers are shops, dukas, grocers, supermarkets, government agencies, politicians and anyone and everybody who is tasked by virtue of being in business, to serve the public but deals with them , us, like we are scum yet we pay fro the services and goods they are dealing with.

This is the place to rise against them, slowly but surely. For i have a dream that we are going to ensure that we only get the best from them otherwise they close shop.

And this is how you are going to do it easily:

1. Create a comment to this post.
2. Let the subject/topic/title be the company/individual but the company name is much better in this case.
3. Post the complaint - (get your facts right about the person/company/product/attendant and any other relevant info.)
4. Be as brief, detailed and to the point as possible.
5. If you have the contacts of the culprit, post them as well as how they can get in touch with you so that we can try to get in touch with them and get their attention to your complaint.
6. If you have evidence, photos, documents, just send them over to our mail address: complaintome at gmail dot com
7. The rest, you leave to us.

With time, its my dream that we can grow to a formidable website that will fight for the consumer interest and ensure that we get the best.

In any case, i believe that we sincerely deserve it for we aren’t on a witch-hunt mission.

Complain2me

complaintome at gmail dot com


Posted in complain2me blog and re-blogged here by assidous

Friday 17 August 2007

BAMBURI AND EAPCC MERGER

This was in last week's EastAfrican paper and was redone by pesa tu blog in a way that is easily understood.

Bamburi/EAPC merger

Lafarge is a large and clever company.It has stakes in its Kenyan competitors' Athi River Mining(15%),East Africa Portland Cement (41%).Its main regional company is Bamburi Cement(63% stake).For a while,the Government has been eager to stop its ownership of competitors.It has been proposing the sale of the Lafarge stakes in EAPC and ARM, especially EAPC since only 6.3% is listed on the NSE contrary to listing requirements that 25% of a company should be listed.
Regionally Lafarge have other holdings in the region i.e.Mbeya Cement-Tanzania(62% Lafarge held) and Hima Cement-Uganda(71% Lafarge held through Bamburi).
The industry
Right now there is a construction boom in the Middle-East so Eyptians are selling their cement to their brothers in the Gulf,at the same time the high freight rates and Port efficiencies make it expensive to import cement to East Africa.For now the two factors are saving the hides of our local cement producers.
At the same time local cement demand is rising installed capacity in Kenya is at 3.3million tonnes(actual capacity is probaly 2.5-3.0 million tonnes),Annual cement demand excluding what we send to Sudan,Rwanda and Uganda is at 1.8million tonnes and rising at 10% per year.
Eastern Africa
Cement demand is rising all over the region DRC,Rwanda,South sudan, Uganda and Tanzania are all consuming more cement.So unless, we have more factories we will have a supply constraint sooner rather than later.Unless,the boom in China and the Gulf explodes and we have a glut coming our way.

The issue
The Government of Kenya wants to introduce more competition in the Kenyan cement market by forcing Lafarge to sell its stakes in EAPC and ARM.On the other hand,Lafarge sees the Eastern african region as a growing economic area and doesnt want to sell the stakes.

The Proposition
Lafarge offers to merge Bamburi and EAPC and add Mbeya and Hima Cement to the deal to create a super East african cement company to fight external competition.(think of it as an East African Breweries for cement).
win-win for both parties i.e. Lafarge consolidates its holdings in the region and Government gets a large stake in a succesful East African Cement company.

Other players
The other players in the region such as ARM,Tororo Cement and Tanga may have to consolidate in order to achieve the size and scale necesary to compete with the new entity(if it happens)

My take
We should take the offer but ask Lafarge to add their other companies in Malawi and Zambia to the deal.



Originally by pesa tu blog and re-blogged here by assidous

Wednesday 15 August 2007

Warren Buffet

This is a forward that landed in my inbox:

There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity Here are some very
interesting aspects of his life:

1. He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!
2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.
3. He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha , that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has
everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.
4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.
5. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.
6. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals
for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis. He has given his CEO's only two rules. Rule number 1: do not lose any
of your share holder's money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.
7. He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch Television.
8. Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with
Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates
became a devotee of Warren Buffet.
9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.

His advice to young people: "Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and
Remember:
A. Money doesn't create man but it is the man who created money.
B. Live your life as simple as you are.
C. Don't do what others say, just listen them, but do what you feel good.
D. Don't go on brand name; just wear those things in which you feel comfortable.
E. Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on them who really are in need .
F. After all it's your life then why give chance to others to rule our life."

Tuesday 14 August 2007

KENYA'S 4TH PRESIDENT

This is a dated post by kumekucha which is quite revolutionary by Kenyan standard, and he rightly says so. For this blogger, its not really so farfetched. The qualities i must say are what we really need to get to the next level.

Here it is:


The charade in Mombasa involving presidential hopeful Kalonzo Musyoka and a highly charged jeering crowd and the rest of the high drama revolving around ODM's selection of a presidential candidate is really occupying many Kenyans. One of the reasons for this is that many believe that if ODM sticks together and supports one candidate for the presidency, they will win the presidency hands down.

What we have all failed to do is to soberly look at the work that needs to be done so that we may seek the candidate best suited for the office of president. Many Kenyans choose to be "realists" instead and in the process we fall neatly into the plans of the political ruling class. I urge all you "realists" out there to spare a moment to read this article and also our guest post by a Michael Mundia Kamau. It is my hope that your eyes will be opened.

At the very least I beg you to think outside the box. Because we have some extraordinary challenges and problems facing us in Kenya just now, which cannot be solved using the same old tricks which have failed us in the past.

Many times, my ideas here have been dismissed and I have been called a dreamer. And yet the saddest thing that can ever happened to a human being is for them to stop dreaming. I once met an old man in his late 60s at a jua kali garage where I had taken my ramshackle of a vehicle for repairs. It was a time in my life when I was facing so many problems and auctioneers were around the corner waiting to pounce on my car at any time. The man looked at my car admiringly and said to the mechanic in Kikuyu that in his entire life he had never owned a car. That’s statement struck me and I realized that every little kid dreams of owning a car, but what happens along the way? Many of them become "realists" and they lose the dream and in many cases the chance to own their own car. I hope I am not getting too deep when I say that life gives only that which you demand and nothing more, nothing less. What a man can dream of having, deeply desire and even imagine having, life will always give. But "realists" true to their realism receive only what is within their realistic reasoning.

My question here has always been; even after the harsh reality and hard knocks of this life, can you dare dream? Are you man enough to dream of something bigger than a car? Can you dream big dreams? Like a just government led by a fearless courageous president (preferably not older than 45) ready to give all for the cause of a better Kenya? Can you dare dream of playing a part in installing such a president as the fourth president of Kenya?

But let us start with a job description. What is the job on hand waiting for the 4th president of Kenya? Here is a short list;

1) Must be courageous enough to constitute a truth and reconciliation commission to bury all the skeletons in Kenya's closet because that is the only way we can have a truly new beginning.

2) Be courageous enough to take some tough decisions that will be politically unpopular but will be for the greater good of the country, like 1) above which will mean various popular tribal chiefs confessing their terrible sins and thus destroying their future political careers to stay out of prison. Others will refuse to confess and will have to be jailed or punished according to the law.

3) Be courageous enough to end corruption from the top. President Kibaki sounded very determined making his acceptance speech shortly after being sworn in as the 3rd President on that unforgettable December day, 2002. So what happened after that? I will tell you. Powerful forces came into play and the president had to survive. He had to abandon the dream and be a realist. Kenya cannot afford a repeat in the fourth president, we are rapidly running out of time here.

4) Be courageous enough to tackle tribalism head-on. For starters by appointing persons from as many different tribes across the country as possible to key positions. And also by passing laws that will clamp down hard on tribalism and any future administration that will "want to do things the way they have always been done."

5) Courageous enough to tackle the huge land crisis which is a time bomb waiting to blow this country into many tiny fragments if it is not dealt with quickly, like yesterday.

6) Courageous enough to implement new creative (out of the box) ideas that will make use of the resources that we have in plenty lying idle in the country while Kenyans suffer. Resources like lots of idle land and idle labour (Kenya's labor force is the most highly skilled and qualified on the continent today). We also have plenty of sun that can be turned into electricity. Enough rain to end all our water problems with the right rain harvest and storage strategy and policies etc.

7) But most of all courageous enough to start their administration with one priority. To get Kenyans working whether it is abroad or locally, to create laws and policies that encourage existing employers to employ more people and also to grow small businesses dramatically with a lot of help from the government because small businesses are the largest creators of employment in the world (not big foreign investors establishing factories in Kenya. Did you see what happened with the EPZ's.)

With all due respect to my dear readers and their preferred presidential candidates, let us remember that what we are doing here is not the same thing as naming our favorite soccer striker in the English premiership. Or our favorite ice-cream flavor. This is a matter of grave importance. A matter of life or death for many ordinary voiceless Kenyans. In fact the lives of millions of Kenyans hangs on it and that of your children and great grand children many generations to come. We cannot afford to get it wrong this time. Resigning ourselves to 2012 is suicide because one wrong move and we will not have a country left by 2009 let alone 2012. Can't you see the writing on the wall?

With this in mind I respectfully disqualify the following candidates;

Raila Odinga: does not qualify because despite his demonstrated courage, there is no way he will be able to deal with corruption with the current structure in ODM because many (if not all) of his tribal chiefs he is relying on to corner votes in various parts of the country are suspects of grand corruption. William Ruto should tell us how he made his wealth. Sally Kosgei whom Raila has been warning up to also has scandals linked to her. Musalia Mudavadi knows a thing or two about Goldenberg (the single scum that impoverished and killed the largest number of Kenyans in the history of our country). The same thing that happened to President Kibaki's resolve is bound to happen to his come March 2008 when the pressure will be unbearable.

Kalonzo Musyoka: I do not want to repeat that it is a fact that he hid in the National assembly toilets to avoid voting on important matters of national importance in parliament. Mr Musyoka told the Sunday Nation that he is a revolutionary. I'm sorry but that is laughable. These are not the Kanu days when mere words and slogans were peddled countrywise as the gospel truth and Kenyans were forced to swallow it hook line and sinker or else… I have tried very hard to look for something courageous that this fellow tribes-mate of mine has done in his life and the only one that comes close was his attendance of the controversial ODM rally in Mombasa last weekend. And the fact that he asked a hammer wielding charged, emotional man in the crowd to pass the hammer to him. That was brave.

I can't imagine this guy driving out the influential drug Lords who control Kenya at the moment and have made the country one of the major transit points in the world for all sorts of illicit drugs. Or saying "No" to the corrupt moneyed and very dangerous individuals who are the real rulers of Kenya.

Let me stop there and drop names of two individuals who have proved their bravery and ability to risk everything on a matter or principal. This is what we badly need in Kenya today.

John Githongo: John Githongo's Dad is a close friend of the President. Imagine that! Githongo was so principled that he was willing to say "No" to his own family and close friends. In fact many Kikuyus view him as an enemy instead of the national hero that he is. Believe me it would have been very easy for John to just turn the other way and play ball and he would have been a very wealthy man today and comfortably living in his own country instead of in exile. And amongst other things his father's outstanding bank loan would have quickly been paid off a long time ago. It is not an impossible dream to get John Githongo elected the 4th President of Kenya. It can be done. All we need to do is agree and the means will be found quicker that you think.

I dream of a Githongo presidency that will give Kenya the true new beginning that we all seek.

Stephen Muiruri: The former Nation crime editor is an example of the kind of character that we should be thinking of for this high office. Don't laugh. Remember we agreed to think outside the box here. If you carefully study the kind of wars this brother of ours is fighting, you will begin to understand where I am going with this.

The 4th president will need to be a courageous fighter. This is not the time to dream of long motorcades and everybody calling you "your excellency" which is what the ODM brigade and everybody else is dreaming about.

I bet you none of them are thinking about the ordinary Kenyans who have lost all hope and now have to face the prospect of losing their head even when they are desperately confronting the challenge of putting food on the table amid record economic growth figures.

Somebody has put it in the minds of Kenyans, and sadly including readers of this blog that to be president somebody needs to be very well known and already a politician. I put it to you that as per the current constitution anybody can become president. ANYBODY. All he needs are votes. Al we need is a people-driven wave to sweep our chosen candidate to victory. We can put anybody we want on that seat as long as enough of us have unity of purpose. All we have to do is reach across all the imaginary tribal boundaries like we are starting to do in this blog and seat down and agree.

I dream of a situation where the Nark-Kenya brigade will be busy fighting amongst themselves over parliamentary seat nominees for the party as ODM holds endless discussions over which one of them will be the party's presidential candidate (the reason why they can't decide is because of GREED, nothing else) and meanwhile we ordinary folks say enough is enough and make our own plans. After all it is we who have the voting cards, is it not?

The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

There is nothing, which the mind of a man can imagine and dream about that cannot be turned into a reality.

Most of all my friends, I dream of the day when all of you will abandon your preferred presidential candidate for us to join together to change our country.

The above article was blogged by Kumekucha on July 10th 2007 and re-blogged here by Assidous.

Monday 13 August 2007

ROVE QUITS!

It seems that the Bush administration cookie is still crumbling. With Carl Rove, the master architect of the administration quitting, it looks like the end of the beginning of party has not only began, but is still on.

Here is the real story:

Monday, August 13, 2007; 4:57 AM

WASHINGTON - Karl Rove, a political adviser to U.S. President George W. Bush and a lightning rod for anger among Democrats, will leave the White House at the end of this month, Rove told the Wall Street Journal.

"I just think it's time," Rove said in an interview with the newspaper published on Monday.

"There's always something that can keep you here, and as much as I'd like to be here, I've got to do this for the sake of my family."


Article in washingtonpost.com blogged here by assidous

Friday 10 August 2007

POETIC WEEKEND

A Thought provoking poem.

I Wanna Be Yours

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust,
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust,
If you like your coffee hot
Let me be your coffee pot,
You call the shots,
I wanna be yours.
I wanna be your raincoat
For those frequent rainy days,
I wanna be your dreamboat
When you want to sail away,
Let me be your teddy bear
Take me with you anywhere,
I don't care
I wanna be yours.
I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out,
I wanna be the electric heater
You'll get cold without,
I wanna be your setting lotion
Hold your hair in deep devotion,
Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean
that's how deep is my devotion.

~ John Cooper Clarke

Thursday 9 August 2007

TELKOM BIDDERS INVITED.

On Tuesday this week, there was the Telkom (K) bidders conference. The government incresaded Telkom's equity for sale from 26% to 51% to make the offer attractive. Among those interested in the former monoploy are British Telcom, Bharti Airtel, Reliance Commuincations, VTel Holdings. Later on, about 19% will be off-loaded via NSE with both shareholders reducing their %age considerably.

Stanchart has recorded a Ksh2.3B pre-tax profit for the first six months of the year. Its a 21% increase.

Wednesday 8 August 2007

KARUE vs MEDIA

The media bill pending presidential assent seems to have turned to a tsunami of proportions that cant be quantified at the moment. And trust the media and all goodwill Kenyans to milk as much political capital as is possible.

In yesterday's papers for instance, the editorial as well as the opinions were all about the bill as well as reasons why Kibaki shouldn't assent the said bill. One even told him that he was 'child of the media freedom', reminding him about one press conference in the early nineties when he went on holiday to Mombasa and returned to Nairobi as the DP chairman! Very True.

But its the man who sneaked the infamous clause on the 'news source' revelation if an article became a point of a court case. The man, Muriuki Karue is better known for the CDF bill that has indeed changed the way politics in Kenya is done as well as decentralising development financing.

Karue should not have sneaked the clause but since great minds are at times known to act irrationally, hence the debacle and fall out with the media. By his coming out and saying that he and the clause was misquoted reeks of the highest form of stupidity.

He has started to feel the heat on him and political embers licking at his heels.

He may have created the best form of decentralisation in Africa yet, but when matters of his political shenanigans with the media bill come to fore, the cloud an otherwise bright legislative job. And the good thing is that he has realised this and the danger he put himself to.

Unfortunately, no one in the world has fought the media nd lived to tell the story. For they represent the power of the masses which some say that is 'the voice of God! Its a lost war already.

What we need is a comprehensive list of the 27 MPs who were in the chamber on that day, then we the voters can show them who really has the final say on matters legislative!

Monday 6 August 2007

Yesterday was the last weekend that this blogger would experience peace as it were. But that was not to be. What with the Man U and Chelski as Smitta is wont to call that team that is owned by the Russian mobster Abramovich!

The madness that was exhibited yesterday yet it was only a friendly made me cringe. It has been a cool three months without premier league and assorted madness around. My friends cry, sulk, scream and do all manner of things that they would otherwise think twice before doing when their team is hit or when the coach does something that they consider to be bad, whatever that means. Yet we are talking about teams which are three thousand mile away. Advise me if am wrong!

But my simple mind fails to understand that leave alone hypothesise it.

So, for those like this blogger who are soccer-aloof, get busy somehow, someway or whatever.

Saturday 4 August 2007

HOT ECONOMY!

* KCB posts Ksh2.1B pre tax profit.

* Celtel International relocates its Africa Office from Netherlands to Nairobi.

* BBK posts a Ksh3.5B pre tax profit.

* KRA de-registers 200+ cars that whose duty and taxes was under-paid when they were having teething problems with the Simba Sytem. Most of the cars are KAU and KAV prefixed.

Friday 3 August 2007

GLAMOUROUS SAFARICOM IPO ATTRACTS GLITTERATI INVESTMENT BANKS

The Safaricom IPO which is billed to be the mother of all IPO's Kenyan has attracted some the most sophisticated Investment Banks in business. But what does one expect when the company is a Vodafone offspring raking in profits to the tune of billions per month?, has the fastest growning customer base in the region and has become the lifestyle of millions subscribers?

In other words, we are talking about a marketing behemoth which is why the government is trying to think of an IPO in Kenya and in another country like UK. Offloading the whole 25% of the stock in Kenya is bound to disrupt the local money market hence the LSE probable thinking.

With that in mind here are some of the consortia that have bid for lead advisors, lead brokers, receiving banks and public relations:

* First Africa Consortium:
StanChart, PKF Kenya, First Africa, Drummond, Goldman Sachs Int'l.

* Citi Consortium:
Sterling & Discount Securities and Citi NA Kenya.

*Dyer & Blair Inv. Bank Consortium:
Dyer&Blair, Faida & Asbhu Securities and Morgan Stanley Int'l Plc.

*SRK Consortium:
KPMG, Apex Africa & Africa Alliance Inv Bank and Renaissance Capital.

*CFC Financial Services Consortium:
Stanbic Kenya, Suntra Inv Bank, Kestrel EA, Credit Suisse Europe Ltd, Standard Bank Group Ltd and DCDM Advisory Ltd.

The Receiving Bank Shortlist:

* KCB, StanChart and Posta.

*CitiBank NA, Equity and Kenya Post Office Savings Bank.

Public Relations Shortlist:

*Gina Din,
*Ogilvy,
*Scanad
*Exclamation


Indeed, the very best are courting the most beautiful lass around and that happens to be none other than Safcom. May the best suitor win for there is an unprecedented financial as well as goodwill windfall coming ahead.

Thursday 2 August 2007

A FIRST FROM EASTANDARD

It all started with a full page with pencils and a sharpener. Actually, i thought it was an Ad Agency making some adverts on their company, product or vacancy.

Only yesterday did Eastandard unleash their latest in their magazine pullout stable The Eastandard Election Platform.

Clearly, five months to the election, they have started a noble project and they say it will go all the way to after the creation of the Cabinet. As they said, the decision on who will be in parliament starts with the inaugral issue of the pullout.

Its first page on Raila 'Can't Touch This!' by Mochama was as incisive as it was hilarious and informative. So was the Gender Agenda which showed what all along had been my observation - that women are their greatest enemies and giving them freebies in the name of seats is bad, bad, bad! They have to fight for them like Karua, Ngilu and others.

The pages on Nakuru constituencies was also well researched, so was their political crossword puzzle.

To say it honestly, EAStd has set the trail on the platform of the 10 General Election in Kenya's History. Am just hoping that they will in due course give Jeeh Wanjurah a political satirist in their Sunday Standard a page to pen some of his witty observations.

Wednesday 1 August 2007

How to recognize individual aptitude and recruit ..interesting !

This is a forward that is going round the net. I think it has a ring of truth to it.

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT
PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some
particular order in a closed
room with an
open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back
after 6 hours and then analyze
the situation.

If they are counting the
bricks.
Put them in the accounts
department.

If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the
whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the
bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the
bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks
into pieces.
Put them in information
technology.

If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried
different combinations, yet
not a brick has
been moved. Put them in sales.

If they have already left for
the day.
Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the
window.
Put them on strategic
planning.

And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
other and not a single brick
has been
moved.

Congratulate them and put them
in top management.

Tuesday 31 July 2007

WORLD'S TOP 100 BRANDS.

These are the latest stats on the Top 100 Brands by Businessweek. Its notable that among the top 10 of the top 100, no oil company is in. The first oil company we have here is BP at 76 cited ‘Not even an Alaskan oil spill or an explosion at a Texas refinery has put a dent in BP's strong performance’ That Coca Cola is the most valuable brand worlw-wide isn’t in doubt. Position 1 to 9 seems to rotate among the leaders of the industry while Mercedes Benz comes in at 10 from 11 after the drop to 12 of Marlboro the cigarette maker mainly due to the global onslaught against smoking. Marlboro has maintained its good brand thanks to its rising sales outside US where sales can only go one way – up.

And How does Businessweek get to the value of the brand? Here: “BUSINESSWEEK CHOSE Interbrand's methodology because it evaluates brands much the way analysts value other assets: on the basis of how much they're likely to earn in the future. The projected profits are then discounted to a present value, taking into account the likelihood that those earnings will actually materialize.
THE FIRST STEP IS figuring out what percentage of a company's revenues can be credited to a brand. (The brand may be almost the entire company, as with McDonald's Corp., or just a portion, as it is for Marlboro.) Based on reports from analysts at J.P. Morgan Chase, Citigroup, and Morgan Stanley, Interbrand projects five years of earnings and sales for the brand. It then deducts operating costs, taxes, and a charge for the capital employed to arrive at the intangible earnings. The company strips out intangibles such as patents and management strength to assess what portion of those earnings can be attributed to the brand.
FINALLY, THE BRAND'S strength is assessed to determine the risk profile of those earnings forecasts. Considerations include market leadership, stability, and global reach—or the ability to cross both geographic and cultural borders. That generates a discount rate, which is applied to brand earnings to get a net present value. BusinessWeek and Interbrand believe this figure comes closest to representing a brand's true economic worth.”






1 1 Coca-Cola
U.S. 67,000 67,525 -1% Flagging appetite for soda has cut demand for Coke, but the beverage giant has a raft of new products in the pipeline that could reverse its recent slide.


2 2 Microsoft
U.S. 56,926 59,941 -5% Threats from Google and Apple haven't yet offset the power of its Windows and Office monopolies.


3 3 IBM
U.S. 56,201 53,376 5% Having off-loaded its low-profit PC business to Lenovo, IBM is marketing on the strategic level to corporate leaders.


4 4 GE
U.S. 48,907 46,996 4% The brand Edison built has extended its reach from ovens to credit cards, and the "Ecomagination" push is making GE look like a protector of the planet.


5 5 Intel
U.S. 32,319 35,588 -9% Profits and market share weren't the only things slammed by rival AMD. Intel's brand value tumbled 9%, as it loss business from high-profile customers.


6 6 Nokia
Finland 30,131 26,452 14% Fashionable designs and low-cost models for the developing world enabled the mobile phone maker to regain ground against competitors.


7 9 Toyota
Japan 27,941 24,837 12% Toyota is closing in on GM to become the world's biggest automaker. A slated 10% increase in U.S. sales this year will help even more.


8 7 Disney
U.S. 27,848 26,441 5% New CEO Robert Iger expanded the brand by buying animation hit-maker Pixar and beefing up digital distribution of TV shows through the Internet and iPods.


9 8 McDonald’s
U.S. 27,501 26,014 6% A new healthy-living marketing campaign—and the premium-priced sandwiches and salads that came with it—have led to a fourth year of sales gains.


10 11 Mercedes-Benz
Germany 21,795 20,006 9% The new S-Class sedan and M-Class SUV are helping repair a tarnished quality reputation. High costs and weak margins will take longer to fix.


Sourced from Businessweek and posted here by assidous.

Monday 30 July 2007

AN ANGRY KENYAN

I received this mail from a friend far away. Methinks he couldnt have put it better.

I was appaled to observe that the opposition
lumineries didnt have time to take note of the
country's new status from LDC to DC.They are busy
throwing punches,mudslinging and whataview on each
other as usual.I always try as much as possible to
call a spade in its own name and not a big
spoon.Everyone,in govt or opposition,willing or
unwilling contributed to this.It really amazes that we
are still centuries back in our kind of politics.And
it wont change sooner.Why?If Lancaster house members
participants are still calling shots,even after their
sell by date,then the political quagmire will still be
in our shadows.Wait,look again.
If i tell you we have the best laws its only that we
never implements them maybe you can faulter me.Forget
about all these political bickering on clamour for
power.The law as it is spelled in the constitution,if
the founding fathers followed it to the letter after
independence,we could have been very far.I remember
the sessional paper of 1965 in my history class.A very
ambitious developement plan,which even the just
unveiled 2030 vision will never match.If its what my
history teacher described,though we didnt see it but
we believed,hatungekuwa pale pale to mimic your
granny.But as the saying goes,if wishes were
horses.......
Due to greed and love for power,the successive govt
has killed agents of change.Look back about T.J
Mboya,J.M Kariuki,Gama Pinto and all other folks you
know during Kenyatta era,Ouko,Bishop Kipsang
Muge,akina Njindo Matiba and all folks you may know
whom Nyayo govt did at it own will to destroy,Githongo
in Narc govt.We kill the only best and remain with
trash.Selfless,honest and great thinktanks have gone
down the drain.And we glorify their persecuters.Thats
why these successive govts found their "time to eat"
and the coming elections is a clear manifestation to
that.Its their time to vomit,not on donors shoes as Mr
Clay said but to Wanjiku for that 5yr more time of
"finishing developement projects" as they will be
pleading.And wanjiku as expected,customarily will 'eat
their vomit' for only a mere day and give them chance
for 5yrs more.

Saturday 28 July 2007

HIT JOBS FOR MUNGIKI

Last night i was sending a text message to one of my friends concerning the curse that has become the current lot of MP's and their hunger for money, money and more money.

Actually he told me that he as calling upon the God who killed Cain and burnt Sodom and Gomorrah to come from retirement so that he could practice on this shameless lot that was planning to rob us again.

Another one was so agitated that he called me and said that we needed to either send a suicide bomber to parliament when the lot is busy discussing the bill since they will not miss it, and we will be assured that they will all perish for we can do without about 250 morons to save the lives of 34Million Kenyans! He also came up with another witty suggestion that the men and women need to sterilised to save Kenya from their demented offspring in the years to come. What really made me appreciate the seriousness that the issue has raised and the so called leaders have failed to see coming by sneaking their greed into the Misc Bill is that he went further to suggest a more radical way to rid Kenya of the morass that is the ninth parliament: Since Mungiki is so good at beheading those who fail to comply with their rules, we should commission then to deliver the 210 heads of these thieves and robbers and line them up in Uhuru Park so that they serve as a warning to others who will try to rob the hard earned cash of Kenyan taxpayers.

Rationalising his views, he said, Kenyans dying in Elgon are more than 210, Kenyans displaced by floods are more than 210, Kenyans dying of hunger are more than 210, Kenyans suffering from poverty are more than 210....... If that is the case, cant we do away with the 210 and save 30 million plus Kenyans? He rested his case!

Thursday 26 July 2007

THE END OF THE WAR AGAINST CORRUPTION

With Kibaki's re-appointing Mwiraria to the Cabinet, he has with a stroke of a pen struck off his reformist credentials. As if that is not enough, he has show clearly that the public funding of the anti-corruption efforts are just a waste of funds.

But he will have to live with his decisions and more to that, the label as the president who had overwhelming support and mandate to rid Kenya off the vice, but failed when the interests of his clique were threatened. Here was a president with so much goodwill that he could have ordered the arrest, prosecution and confiscation of the corruptly acquired cash and property, but decided to play with that at a great expense to the public public for his own political survival.

If there ever was a failure, its Kibaki. Politically, he may have scored a goal and ensured that maybe, just maybe he may return for a second term, but at what cost.

Would he stand with his two feet and say proudly, that he came, got a clear mandate to fight corruption and he conquered?

Can he claim in front of the hungry and destitute that indeed, he has fought for their welfare when he has reinstated all those who were implicated in the corrupt scandals to their cabinet posts?

With Ringera's outfit guzzling billions in annual budgets, can Ringera claim not to have the arsenal to fight the proverbial dragon?

Can we also say categorically and equivocally that indeed the dragon has fought back the efforts to kill it and won the war. Methinks that Mwiraria's reinstatement is the last nail on the coffin that the anti-corruption crusade has been banished to.

But let them not delude themselves, as i said earlier in an article, when the bell tolls for them, they will indeed have some explanation to do.

For now, lets watch the saga unfold for i think that there is nothing that we can do at the moment till December when they will troop back for jobs from the you. Then you can sort the wheat from the chaff literally.

Wednesday 25 July 2007

VOTE OR DIE

I was just talking to a newly registered voter who did so after i prodded him incessantly to get a vote. My was it not a hard job. Trying to convince someone that a vote is absolutely necessary and as they say in the ECK advert, you literally get your voice.

Now that got me thinking. Why the apathy to register as voters, why the apathy to actually cast the vote when the day comes? Why is there no apathy to condemn the actions of the fools that lead us?

This year, as i told my friend, the slogan should be 'vote or die' and ECK should criminalise failure to vote as the only way to curd that kind of voter apathy! At least it will solve some problems like someone having to make up his or her mind on the candidate to vote for.

And for those who are waiting for money from the charlatans who wish to be kanjuras and MP's, get the money and vote with your head! These morons need to be taught a lesson.

Remember that voting impacts on your life literally.

Tuesday 24 July 2007

ADVERTS GONE BAD

I was watching Vitimbi on KBC last night. They haven't lost much of their act but when Mama Kayai the veritable Matriarch doesn't make an appearance in whole episode, one feels short-changed. At least thats what i feel. With Mwala poached by Citizen, the Mogaka fellow has quite some big shoes to fill into and his efforts to ape ace comedian Nyambane falls flat! But thats comedy for us in Kenya. But i digress.

I have beef, what or who to direct it at is the problem. The programme producer or the advertisers, am lost.

For the keen observers like this blogger(but do i say), the cameraman focus was last night taken from the actors and directed to the programme sponsors' products in the setting. The first time i noted ws when the cameraman zoomed on the wall clock in Mwende's house which is a 'Postal Directories - Yellow Pages' souvenir.

The second time was in Ojwang's restaurant where the cameraman again zoomed on the Royco container for close to 10 seconds!

Am not sure if there is a logical explanation to this but it shows how unprofessional the production department can be at times. Also, the advertising house which handles the accounts for Royco and Postel Directories serioUsly need some advise on advertisement placements especially so if the products are being used by a cast like Vitimbi. By doint it the way the did it yesterday, it cheapens a rather well thought out story.

But thats KBC for us, instead of watching the programmes, we watch the adverts and view the adverts instead of the other way round! How do you fix 8-15 adverts in a 20-30min programme?

Monday 23 July 2007

NGILU ON CROOKS IN CABINET NOT NEWS!

That Ngilu came out firing from all cylinders and talked about wahuni in Cabinet is not new. Actually, when you look at it, it was just a matter of time before someone said what is obviously an open secret.

The most unfortunate thing since independence is that we have repeatedly been dogged and lead by fellows of dubious character. Fellows who one cant trust to take care of their teenage daughters or with the keys to one's back door. Reason being that what comes to their mind first of all is me, myself and i, everything else thereafter!

The current cabinet even has self-named slithery reptiles of the viper kind. These are the greatest problems we are facing as Kenyans today and the faster we realise this fact, the better for our own good.

But Ngilu is also in good company, she has become one who blows hot and cold simultaneously, madam of double-speak as well one who speaks from both ends of her mouth. Remember Kiraitu he of 'raping an already too willing woman' epithet?

By god, even the head of the pack froths at the mouth calling his sublects pumbavu, mavi ya kuku et al.

For how long we will continue to be saddled with this crisis, for that is what it is, is upon us. We can choose to follow the blind purporting to lead us or we can break this cycle of foolishness and send the whole lot home! At least the incoming lot will have some manners and a lesson to learn for gerrymandering is their game rule.

Saturday 21 July 2007

An Ethnic Joke Taken To Far. Dont you think so?

This is a loaded ethnic joke taken too far. It demonstrates what the
common man has been primed to fear about a Luo presidency however
qualified
the candidate might be. Unfortunately there are too many ignorant
people
out there who believe the ruse and a few luos who perpetuate the
stereotype. I have always wondered why Raila is considered head over
shoulders the ‘best’ Kenyan candidate for executive Prime Minister
(check
all polls on this) and with the same breath a Luo when it comes to the
position of President even with reduced powers!! I am lost.



This is Raila's Speech

Thank u for voting me as the Kenya No.1, though I think u should have
done it long time ago. I wonder why it took u so long to allow me be
the president, but anyway, this is how am going to work:

1) All roads must be carpeted............no pot-holes...........if u
spot any pot-hole please sack the minister via SMS............I will
approve it and pay u his benefits because u shall have saved us from
constituting a commission of enquiry.

2) All Children in School must be No.1 and share the same
grades...those who don't perform well should be given free Government
Scholarships to India, Dubai, and the rest of the world because my
government will deal with the best.

3) All Employers advertising jobs must indicate that they are looking
for PhD holders. Basic degrees should be left for messengers so that
people can work harder and be professionals.

4) There will be free medical cover in all public hospitals and no
private clinic will be allowed to operate unless it is run by a Luo
Professor who went to school in Alliance, Makerere, Maseno or Harvard
as any other person could be a Kikuyu conman.

5)You do not need a license to demonstrate or protest in the street as
that will be licensed opposition since after I take over Government,
there won't be any known opposition. The demonstrations shall help me
know I need to improve

6) Every constituency must have its own University so that immediately
from 4th Form...our children just join University.

7) Its going to be Majimbo system with all Government organs
decentralized....all landlords in Nairobi be warned the Government will
regulate all house rents.

8) Garbage collectors be warned and start looking for other jobs
because garbage collection will be a thing of the past.

9) Chokoras...Get ready to join schools because it will be illegal to
be seen begging and hanging around in the streets of Nairobi.

10)Policemen- there is no more toa kitu kidogo as it will carry a death
penalty since corruption will be a thing of the past.

11) Thugs get ready- there will be no need to steal since all of us
will be having jobs and not struggling.

12) Pastors- there shall be no more messages of "Receive, plant a seed
for your financial breakthrough", because your members will start
asking you where u take all that money to and yet the Government pays
for free Education up to University and free medical care while the
churches don't pay Orphans school fees. Church will be a place of
Worship
and
Worship alone.

13)If u don't drive a Mercedes Benz or GMC Hummer ....u will be
required
to contact the government to assist u obtain one from Germany

14) Collapsing Houses- That will be a thing of the past as only Luo
Engineers from Makerere and Harvard will approve house
constructions...not crooks.

15) Water Rationing - Lake Victoria will supply all ur water needs as
the Government will embark on serious water supply measures to ensure
that all have water in their homes.

16)Electricity Rationing:- If u can't access Electricity, then solar
panels will be available at Government Offices free of charge...u only
need to confirm which Engineer is installing it for you.

17)Political Campaigns- that will be a thing of the past as this nation
will engage every idle MP and get them better jobs if serving as an MP
is not enough.

18) My Term in Office - Lifetime because u will never think of
Replacing Raila....as u cannot find his match.

19)Prisoners - You will miss Moody Awori with his empty dancing tactics
and yet he still leaves u in jail and drives out in sleek Mercedes
Benz.
Being jailed will carry the instant death penalty like the Sadaam case
so as to decongest our prison cells and so nobody will desire to be
jailed. All Kenyans will work harder and avoid committing crimes.

20) Business Men - No clearance problems at the airport as all our
Goods and products will be locally sourced and processed. We are going
to promote local industries to thrive from within.

21) Mtumba Bizness- start looking for something else to do because
everybody must wear Kenyan made designer label clothes, only Ministers
and I will be allowed to import from Paris.

22)Fuel Hike - the Arab nations are my friends and I have promised them
cheap Fish and a few Luo think tanks like Anyan'g Nyon'go to help them
manage their billions in exchange of cheap or almost free Oil.

23)Evading Tax - how do u evade paying tax when there will be KRA
officials employed to collect tax and VAT from every building in the
country, each building that comes up must set aside an office for a KRA
official to vet and control Tax for the Government.

24) Foreigners doing our Jobs - Not anymore as we have locals who can
perform, the only foreigner we might employ to supervise them would be
Senator Obama who will be flying in and out Daily.

25) Mungiki Killings - Who do they kill and we shall employ at least 2
policemen in every home and Ndura Waruinge made Internal Security
Minister because he knows all the thugs.

26) Mismanagement of Funds & Terrorism - It will be a thing of the past
since George W. Bush & Tony Blair shall have retired and will be hired
to work as a consultants in Kenya.

27) My Running Mate - I don't need one I can do all things alone.

Signed :
Raila Amolo Odinga
Engineer, Langata MP and President of Kenya 2008 & beyond .